Just last month, the boyfriend, I, and our good friend Daniel were in Berlin for a weekend. Boyfriend was all excited about checking out some places of ill repute, so we managed to visit three of the four Berlin saunas: Gate, Boiler and Apollo.
Gate is the smallest – catering to the usual older men, bear crowd segment. I used to like it a lot, but this time, it simply fell short. Nothing really wrong with it: it was clean, and everything was working. Still, to describe the décor, I would say, last updated late 80s, owner not really into it anymore, but still making sure the needs are met. How would I make it better? I would try to get a major does of ‘sex’ in it, without making it slutty. The colors were fairly mute, probably pastel or something. Sure enough, the eight pictures (cmon guys, you can do better) murmur – functional, office, cafeteria and my favorite furniture store Kika - not. The one picture of the sling, the only picture that actually says ‘sex’ is also against a very tame terracotta wall. It’s a pity, because it’s a fun little sauna. But I’m pretty sure a few hours with a loving decorator, would give it a ton of character without making the current clientele run away screaming.
http://www.gate-sauna.de/
And last, but not least for Gate, why do saunas so often take pictures of dry flower arrangements – guys, we are places were men have sex with men. And there is nothing wrong with that. No need to pretend that we are some sort of social club were gay gentlemen come to have 4oclock tea.
On to Apollo. That is the place I would visit on Sunday mornings when I could not sleep. I’m a fervent believer that, given the right amount of alcohol, and the right crowd, a gay sauna in the wee Sunday hours, is the naughtiest, and funnest place on earth. Unfortunately, I still haven’t found what I am looking for in Berlin. Before I cheat and check out their website, here is my of the top of my head Berlin Apollo sauna description: its super clean, spacious, modern with a sexy, loungy vibe, a little too loungy for me. That describes the upper floor. The lower floor is a little bit more dated, but still very clean and with a great labyrinth. Too much light and, in some weird way, three distinct cruising area which are connected to each other but feel disconnected from one another. Okay, one minute, cheat time – yep, it’s as I said, full loungy. This is probably what a Las Vegas designer would concoct for a small club. Lots of purple, pink, orange lights, chrome, smoked glass. It’s good, but I’m not sure if this is what gay men, especially in Berlin, would be looking for in 2014. As far as I remember, this place used to be called Brasil, and was in need of a renovation, but it definitely had a fun, nasty, Berlin vibe to it. Sometimes cleaning up is not the best idea.
http://www.apollosplashclub.de/
And on to the last one, the Boiler. Brand new, I think it has just been opened one year or less. I’m not a big fan, but they have definitely put the money where their mouth is.
The locker area is huge, and if I remember correctly, I counted more then 500 units. As they say, Think Big. That area is a little bit too exposed to my taste, and a little bit less light, a little bit more walls would be welcome. Of the top of my head, airport hallway feeling. Then it’s on to downstairs where you have a teeni weenie bar area. I don’t really get why it is so small. Do they want their guests to be cruising most of the time, or did they not have more space? Anyway, it has an outside area which is always welcome, even if it’s in the building’s courtyard.
Finally the lowest floor is the cruising area per say. Again, before I cheat, I’ll say…. Modern yet warm, restricted area feel. A nice touch that you can see the machinery for the pool. Saunas completely see through glass – don’t like it. Again, a lot of open space. The steam room is actually a steam labyrinth, very big, but only good for one thing: cruising in the steam. Could not really find a nice little corner to just ‘relax’. Looking at the picture, the cruising area looks like a clean clothe on cruising club.
http://www.boiler-berlin.de/
And lastly, the one I have not been to in ages … seems to be closed. So folks that is it. In conclusion, all three offer all the amenities, are good looking, but simply did not do it for me anymore: getting too old? Seen to many? To be continued.